Body Image & the Holidays: a Survival Guide
BY: EMILY UNWIN
Howdy all! I recently finished leading 26 fabulous people through the intuitive eating workshop series. At the end of the series, I asked each person to write down one question they still had about intuitive eating. I sent it out in an email to the group, and Ruby replied, “This should be a holiday survival guide.” So, voila! I’ve left it in the Q+A format and added some additional content so that there’s more explicit “holiday help.”
For context, holidays are hard for me. I feel overwhelmed, cornered, exhausted, and triggered like... 75% of the time from Dec 15-Jan 15. Each February feels like, “Welp, gotta go back to therapy for that thing again.” And, in the past, I’ve always seen it as a failure. A feeling of, Damn… Really, I’m still dealing with this disordered eating and body image stuff? But I like to think that winter is built for introspection: Cold, dreary, stay in the house and ruminate on your life purpose kinda weather.
So, here’s to that! Let’s hunker down, unpack some tough lessons about our bodies, and go into the holiday season more equipped.
Pro tip - put ur face in the sun
How long did it take to complete your new road?
(During the Intuitive Eating class, I talked about how old patterns are like an old, well-established highway. Recovery is like the first shovel scoop on a new road. You gotta keep digging for a real long time before that road is ready for cars. Recovery often feels like there’s no end in sight. But really, it’s just one shovel at a time.) It’s not complete! I’m still building my new road. And sometimes I hop on the old highway. For me, recovery looks like spending more time building and driving on the new road than the old one. And that took a couple years. I would say I’m 5 years “recovered,” but I still have challenges with my body and food frequently. Recovery’s not perfect, ya know?
How do I approach friends and family that need help, but don’t seek the help they need or never address it?
In my personal experience, asking questions and offering space for the person to divulge feelings is the best way to open up that door. So, instead of saying, “I think you have a problem,” it might be more effective to say, “How are you? I’ve felt some sadness/anxiety/depression/fear/worry from you. Here’s why (give x, y, z reasoning.) Can we talk more about it?” Disordered eating is almost always a symptom of something deeper, and leading with compassion is a great way in the door.
How do I slow the excessive eating (and drinking) in times of celebration, excitement, friskiness, or escape?
For me, slowing down emotionally, energetically, & physically in the moment is the most effective way to slow down eating and drinking. E.g. Really taste what it is I’m consuming, put whatever it is I’m eating or drinking down between sips/bites, checking in with how I feel about half way through the plate or drink. It’s a work in progress, learning what works and feels natural/helpful. Compassion when it works and compassion when it doesn’t :)
Best advice for when you can’t seem to ignore the body image issues/get out of your head?
Getting in my body (meditation, slow breathing, yoga, walks outside!) and getting grateful about my body are helpful! I’ve also gotten rid of all mirrors and scales which feels helpful, too. (Add on: Talking to people I trust during the holiday feels essential. Everyone’s struggling. Everyone needs to vent about something. It feels good to be heard by someone and be heard by someone else’s experience.)
When I’m stressed (x1000) how do I not make food the enemy?
Woof. Yep. Try thinking about why food is the enemy in the first place. Why, when you’re stressed, does food receive the guilt, blame, and anger? What are you really upset about? What are you really stressed about? What are you really ashamed about?
How do you not feel guilt about emotional eating if you know it’s just a bandaid?
(During the intuitive eating class, I shared that emotional eating works (temporarily) and is a valid coping skill. And, it doesn’t heal whatever the deep wound (shame, guilt, trauma, sadness) is underneath of the temporary food comfort. And…) Because bandaids are so helpful! A temporary bandage is better than bleeding all over the place, right? Emotional eating is useful, effective, a part of everyday life, and necessary. And deeper emotional work is what heals. Both are necessary. No guilt required!
How do I decipher what my craving is versus what my body needs?
Cravings typically come with deeper, unresolved emotional issues and typically feel more urgent. Body needs happen irregardless of what you're feeling emotionally. And. Body cravings can be a deeper body physical need (like craving higher energy foods when you haven’t eaten all day) - that’s very normal, too. Give yourself time to check out your emotional landscape before eating.
What the fuck is the point of all the growth?
Couldn’t tell you haha! Ah! Uh, but really, for me, life is more full now that my thoughts aren’t so consumed by food and body image. I feel like I’m more present, and in a way, that’s easier than how it was. Or, at least, more joyful. (Definitely more joyful. For me, growth provided increased confidence, strength, grace, resilience, gratitude, joy joy joy, capacity for love, and self acceptance. For me, growth meant my body changing (developing curves), crying over a pint of ice cream and not feeling guilty about it, savoring a fresh cup of tea, & more body awareness.)
How do we justify our feelings on self or food when we have so much privilege in our lives?
“Gratitude is the difference between privilege and entitlement.” (- Queen Brene Brown.) Privilege can’t be changed, but you can be grateful for resources, food availability, and stable finances. And. No one is devoid of suffering, and body image issues and disordered eating cross into all socioeconomic statuses, regardless of privilege. Your feelings are valid regardless of privilege. Consistently giving back to communities in need, whether that be through money, time, energy, resources, is a way to put that privilege into action.
How can I forgive myself in a more timely way?
Woof. I feel this. Fortunately, it’ll take exactly as much time as it needs to. :/ and! Engaging in more than one “growth tool” at once may intensify/“speed up” the process. E.g. A lot of forgiving myself comes in the form of journaling affirmations, therapy, art, and forgiving others. And if I’m doing all of that consistently, I like to think I’ll forgive myself faster. Does that make sense?
Can we meet before a year, like frequently?
Hell ya! I’m offering a two-hour intuitive eating “tune up” on Monday, January 20th from 715-9:00pm. Sign up is here. This will be primarily discussion oriented - Aka. How did the holidays go? Let’s talk about it. I’m also offering the three-part series again in March.
Thanks for reading. If you’re totally new to Intuitive Eating and wondering wtf I’m talking about, here’s some more resources.
A blog my friend Maddy and I wrote about Intuitive Eating (We’re both dietitians who practice and counsel using Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size paradigms)
Intuitive Eating (both the book and the workbook) by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. Can be bought here.
A small fact sheet on Health at Every Size
IG accounts to follow:
@decolonizing_fitness
@thefuckitdiet
@cleowade
@bodyimage_therapist
@onbeinginyourbody
@nalgonapositivitypride
@mindfulcounseling
@marcird
ASPIRE Clinic (free/reduced counseling, nutrition therapy, and financial planning)
CAPS (free/reduced counseling)